


Hartwin week: Angst (day 5)

by HollyMartins



Series: Hartwin Week 2015 [1]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, Blood, F/M, Hartwin, Hartwin Week, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, fem!eggsy, hartwinweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 08:00:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4617615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HollyMartins/pseuds/HollyMartins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I’m a bit late to the Hartwin Week festivities and of course, I decided to bring angst to the table. Forgive me.</p><p>NOTE: This fic is fem!Eggsy. I know not everyone likes that but I can’t help it. I adore fem!Eggsy though of course, I love the Hartwin slash pairing as well. I just find it easier to write fem!Eggsy. Also, this is DOES NOT take place in the same universe as my other fem!Eggsy Hartwin fics over at ao3. You don’t need to read those for this. Also, this is unbetaed, as a warning.</p><p>---</p><p>Eggsy throws Harry for a loop when she brings up the topic of children.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hartwin week: Angst (day 5)

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: language, sex, blood, miscarriage

Harry had learned early on that it was useless to try to predict anything about Eggsy. She was consistently surprising him and, he had to admit, he adored that about her.

Just when he thought he knew everything there was to know about this small, powerful, witty, and utterly charming young woman, she did or said something that made him pause and realize that she was infinite. He was quite content in the knowledge that he would spend the rest of life exploring. It seemed like quite an adventure.

Therefore, he shouldn’t really have been surprised by her constant surprises but that was Eggsy for you. It was a fool’s errand to assume anything about her so why bother? Nonetheless, he was thrown for a loop when she first mentioned children.

“Children?” he repeated blankly.

“Yes, you know, smaller and younger versions of adults,” she replied over tea and scones one mid-morning. “I know for a fact you were one once. I’ve seen the pictures.”

Harry blinked.

“You would like some?” he asked and he knew he sounded like an imbecile but it was their day off. He was allowed.

Eggsy looked at him as if he was exceptionally thick.

“You sound like I’m asking about having new furniture in the house,” she said. “You don’t just have children, you raise them.”

“I’m aware.”

“Haven’t you ever thought about children?”

He had, actually. In his younger years, though, when he had first fallen in love and was naive enough to assume that was all it took to have some kids. It hadn’t worked out, of course, and Kingsman taught him to be more efficient, colder, and harder. Then he had met Eggsy and found himself thawing a bit and he realized had been lonely all these years. It was quite a jarring experience.

“I’m too old now,” he said.

Eggsy rolled her eyes as she sipped her tea.

“I knew you would say that,” she said. “You’re barely 50.”

“I’m over 50.”

“Charlie Chaplin had babies in his 70s and Jeff Goldblum just had a baby and he’s over 60!”

“I am neither Charlie Chaplin nor Jeff Goldblum.”

“I know. I did always have a crush on him.”

“Chaplin?”

Eggsy threw a sugar packet at him, much to the scandal of the posh elderly couple sitting at the next table over.

Harry sighed and sat back in his chair.

“How on earth could we raise a child?”

“The way people have been doing it for millions of years.”

“You know what I mean, Eggsy.”

She looked down at her lap and nodded.

“I thought of that,” she said. “You work out of an office now so you’d be safe and keep nice regular hours. And you know Merlin has been training me more on the tech end so I can someday be a handler like him so I’d be safe. Well, safer.”

Harry looked down at his half-eaten scone.

“And you’d want a child with me?” he asked softly. “Even though I’m much older than you?”

“Harry, I only want a child with you,” she replied. “And remember, I grew up without a father. An old one, which you’re not, is better than none at all.”

He looked back up at her and her open, earnest face. The romantic side of him wanted to say yes immediately if only to see that smile light up her eyes. But he was a Kingsman, and he believed in thinking before acting.

“Let me think about it,” he answered.

“Alright.”

“And we’d have to discuss this more in greater detail.”

“I know.”

“If my answer is no-”

“I will still love you.”

“But-”

“Harry, I want kids but I only want them with you and no one else. If I can’t have that, I’ll survive.”

“You’ll resent me.”

“Probably but as you say, you’re so bloody old. You’re bound to drop dead eventually,” she said, grinning into her teacup.

He smiled at her and felt rather at ease. They could figure this out. They were Harry and Eggsy, for God’s sakes. They could figure out anything between the two of them.

 

Harry had always been criticized at work for diving headfirst into dangerous and ridiculous situations. His higher-ups had assumed he acted without thinking. They were wrong. He did nothing without careful consideration. He just happened to think on his feet quicker than the average person.

That is why when he agreed with Eggsy to try for a baby, even she was a bit surprised.

“Cor, already?” she asked. “You made up your mind that quick?”

“It took me over a week.”

“You sure then?” she asked.

“Positive.”

And when she grinned at him, he knew he had made the right decision.

 

It took nearly a year. Each month was a disappointment and after the sixth month of a negative test result, Harry began to suspect that they weren’t meant to be parents the traditional way.

“It must be me,” he said as he held her in his arms after she had thrown away the test and washed her face clear of any heartbreak.

“Shut up,” she answered softly.

“I can arrange for a test.”

“Harry, just shut it.”

“Won’t it be better to know for certain?” he asked.

She sighed and rolled out of his arms, her back to him. She was silent for a long time and he wondered if she had fallen asleep.

“I don’t want to know if the odds are against us,” she whispered.

“But-”

“Besides, it could be me.”

“Eggsy-”

“Just go to sleep,” she said.

He reached out to touch her but stopped.

“We can still have a baby,” he said. “There are other ways.”

“I know,” she sighed. “And I’m not against it. I just… I just wanted it this way. Just once.”

“I do, too.”

She was quiet again and Harry realized he could count the vertebrae in her back. She was stressed. Fuck. He was so blind.

“Give us a kiss?” he whispered.

Eggsy sniffed and turned and Harry’s heart lurched at the sight of the smeared tears on her face. He pulled her towards him and kissed her gently.

“I love you,” he whispered. “I love you so bloody much.”

“I know,” she said. “I love you, too.”

“No matter what?”

“No matter what.”

“We’ll try again.”

“Yes,” she sighed. “We will.”

 

It was a post-mission celebration that did it.

Of course it was.

Lancelot had nearly been killed double agent in the British embassy in Russia but Eggsy had intervened, nearly getting shot at herself. Instead, she and Eggsy were able to capture him alive and bring him back to the United Kingdom and he even offered to divulge Russian state secrets for a lighter punishment. Once he began talking, he couldn’t stop.

Even Merlin had been impressed with their work. The British government learned a great deal and Kingsman was, once again, at the top of the league.

So when Eggsy walked into their house, exhausted but happy, Harry (who had been watching on the screen and felt his heart momentarily stop when he saw the gun pointed straight at her) took her into his arms and squeezed, kissing her rapidly.

“Happy to see me then?” she asked.

“Always.”

“And how happy are you?”

“I thought you said were tired.”

“Not that tired,” she grinned and raised an eyebrow.

He carried her to the bedroom and when he finally entered her (after several rounds of cunnilingus that had ended only when she panted, “For fuck’s sake, get in me now”), she gasped out, “Yes, that’s it. Fuck, Harry, yes. Give me a baby.”

Apparently that had been the magic phrase because a couple weeks later, she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into the en suite, kissing him hard.

“I’m pregnant,” she gasped. “I’m fuckin’ pregnant!”

He felt dizzy and worried he had heard wrong.

“Are you sure?” he whispered.

“I’m gonna go to the doctor tomorrow but Harry, the test says yes! And I’m late and my tits hurt like a bitch and I feel gross and queasy and Harry, babe, I’m pregnant!”

And if he had hurt his back by picking her up and spinning her around, well, no one had to know, did they?

They had promised to not tell anyone until the third month. Well, not tell anyone except Merlin since he helped assign the missions and he had to know why Eggsy couldn’t go jumping across rooftops and facing down the barrels of guns anymore. He had merely smiled and said, “Congratulations, you two.”

Eggsy laughed and threw her arms around him, much to Merlin’s shock.

“Come off it, give us a proper hug,” she said. “You’re gonna be godfather, don’t forget.”

Merlin even dropped his ever-present clipboard to hug her back. Luckily, Eggsy and Harry were the type of friends to not mention it when they saw Merlin wipe at his eye afterwards.

And of course, Rox found out but she figured it out on her own, the blasted genius. And she had actually squealed and kissed them both and acted as if she were the one having a baby.

“I am!” she said. “We all are! A Kingsman baby! Are we gonna get it a bespoke suit?”

“It’ll probably come out of the womb in one,” Harry replied.

Roxy clapped her hands and began planning the baby shower right there on the spot.

“For fuck’s sakes, I’m not even showing yet!” Eggsy exclaimed, grinning nonetheless.

“Oh I can’t wait for that!” Roxy answered. “You’re gonna look so cute.”

“I’m gonna look like a whale.”

“A cute whale.”

Eggsy flipped her the bird before turning back to the computer screen. The smile never left her face, however.

 

But they still waited to tell anyone else, even Eggsy’s mother. They did everything they were supposed to do. Eggsy had stopped drinking months before and Harry did as well, out of sympathy. She ate the right things, slept the right amount, took her vitamins, and went easy on the exercise.

She did everything fucking right.

But as the old cliche goes, no one said life was fair.

 

It happened at HQ.

They were lucky in that sense. Took less than four minutes to get her to medical. Harry was at the shop, however, and when Merlin called him, he only heard the words “blood” and “Eggsy” clearly.

When he arrived, shaking and pale, he only saw Roxy in the waiting area. He grabbed her arm a little too roughly and demanded where Eggsy and Merlin were.

“Eggsy’s being examined and Merlin’s in the bathroom,” she said, pointing a shaking finger across the hall to the closed restroom door.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. Merlin was with her.”

Harry released her and stalked to the bathroom door, ignoring Roxy’s cries of, “No, wait! Don’t, Harry!”

He yanked it open and was struck by the coppery smell of blood and antiseptic soap. Merlin froze, his hands elbow deep in soapy pink water, the faucet running full blast. He was wearing only an undershirt. His white button down was crumpled in the corner, more scarlet than white. So, Merlin had carried her here in his arms.

“Harry, she-” Merlin began but stopped when Harry began dry-heaving.

 

“My darling girl,” he whispered.

“‘Arry,” she said but didn’t turn towards him.

He ran a hand through her hair and rested it on her forehead. It was sweaty. The painkillers hadn’t kicked in yet.

“We can go home,” he said gently. “Shall I take you home?”

Eggsy shook her head and sniffed.

“I’m supposed to just fuckin’ lay down and wait for the tissue to pass,” she whispered. She turned towards him with wide, angry eyes. “That’s all they kept calling it. Our baby. Just 'the tissue’.”

“I know.”

“They said I could have a procedure. Use a curette.”

“Yes, you could. It’s-”

Eggsy covered her face with her hands and took a shuddering breath.

“They wanna scrap my baby out.”

“Eggsy, there is no baby. Not anymore.”

“Fuck you!”

Eggsy had never raised a hand to Harry or to anyone she loved before. Growing up with Dean had prevented her from ever wanting to do that. But she smacked him this time. It was light and sloppy but it was a smack nonetheless.

She sobbed and covered her face again.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” he said, and gently grabbed her arms, lowering them to her chest. “Darling, please.”

“Harry, I lost it,” she gasped out, her voice thick with tears. “I did everything right but I still lost it.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“You don’t know that!”

“Eggsy-”

“You’re crying.”

Harry blinked and realized that yes, he was in fact crying.

“I’ve made you cry,” she whispered.

“No, you didn’t.”

“I made Roxy cry and even poor Merlin. I bled all over him,” she whispered.

“No one blames you for anything. I swear it.”

She winced with another cramp and curled up as best she could.

“I hate my body,” she moaned. “I hate it. I hate it.”

He leaned down and kissed her on her forehead lightly.

“I love you,” he whispered. “I love you so bloody much.”

She shook her head.

“We’ll get through this together.”

“How?”

“I don’t know,” Harry sighed. “I truly don’t.”

Eggsy covered her face again and Harry, for the first time he had met Eggsy, felt helpless.


End file.
